Recently, there was an Amber Alert issued in North Carolina that resulted in a father, Mitchell Grayson, contacting a local news source and having documented him turning himself in with his daughter in hand, safe and sound1. Through this ordeal, he gave a broad overview of what sounded like an ongoing issue that he has been facing with the mother, and insisted that she initiated the Amber Alert as a means to retaliate. The idea of the premise behind this stunt was nothing short of disappointing. Had the mother truly used law enforcement to settle a score with her child’s father?
Without much or any information in the media from the mother, the public is left with countless questions. For example, it was stated that there was a fight between Grayson and a member of the mom’s family shortly before he departed with their daughter. Additionally, Grayson mentioned that their daughter prefers to be with him. On one hand, it seems that Grayson may have been a victim in the mother’s plot to ultimately remove him from their daughter’s life by any means necessary. On the other hand, it seemed that maybe Grayson was attempting to shape public opinion.
It is often said that the courts tend to lean more towards allowing children to live with their mothers. Of course, this is not true. The best interest of the child standard is the official and appropriate standard that is used in questions of custody. At times, there may be a Guardian ad Litem, who serves as a neutral third party, appointed to provide an unbiased opinion to the court. Custody most certainly will come into question in this particular scenario, provided Grayson overcomes the kidnapping charges. Unfortunately, the defense that you can’t kidnap your own kid is a myth. It seems that each actor in this scenario has attempted to manipulate things to his or her favor. Personally, it seems that a Guardian ad Litem would be helpful.
It is clear what the mother has possibly done, especially given Grayson’s perspective to shape our opinions. But what may take a bit more discernment is the fact that Grayson has used the media to garner additional attention, and to tell his story. I mean, let’s be honest – he made a phone call from jail sounding victimized knowing that what he would say would be recorded. I’m sorry to be a cynic here, but I think a bit more scrutiny is needed for the sake of the child.
This is not uncommon. I have for awhile been a bit dissatisfied with the way domestic matters are handled. There are so many pitfalls that have no choice but to remit to the result of a further divide in families. People manipulate the legal process and resources to their advantage and to give them the upper hand in situations that they are simply unhappy with. Considering the physical altercation that occurred between Grayson and the mother’s family member, I would question whether there is some abuse from either party in this situation. To further the confusion, if there is abuse going on, either party has handled this situation thus far in an almost textbook-like fashion. Often times, abusers win the favor of those outside of the home while manipulating things to their advantage. “Batterers often take advantage of their likeable façade to present false narratives to the court about the abuse”2. The question here is: Which narrative is false?
Throughout history, the court system has been used to the advantage of those with a personal agenda that goes against the intention of the processes in place. Specifically, when it comes to child custody and child support, parties will do things to get their ducks in a row in a manipulative fashion as opposed to in a preparation fashion. Although custody and support are considered different matters, typically, whomever has primary physical custody owes a smaller obligation. The assumption is that they pay their portion through the provisions in the home. Ultimately, however, this setup has gaps in application. There is room for the party with the financial advantage to inflate their obligations while receiving additional unnecessary support that burdens the other party in the matter. The end result is a further divide in the family.
When an individual has been traditionally taught that there is some amount of victory in furthering a divide, they operate accordingly…often times unbeknownst to them, but possibly obvious to the other party or a third party (i.e. hurt people hurt people). I could go on about theories behind the concept of becoming a “master manipulator”, but the truth of the matter is that there are systems and parameters in place to allow these sorts of behaviors.
In recent years, there has been some pushback against false reports from those who complain of sexual assault, abuse, and/or rape, and consequences imposed on those who make false claims, especially when those allegations are against someone who is financially capable of providing a windfall in a civil suit for the accuser. We have seen this a lot when it comes to celebrity cases, but this happens on a smaller scale, also.
In recent news, Carless Russell was convicted and sentenced in a false kidnapping report incident. She had contacted 911 reporting a child walking on the side of a highway, and when responders showed up to the scene, they found Russell’s phone and her car still running. Now, this story is a bit convoluted, but suffice it to say, it was a hoax.3
The system works, generally speaking, but the challenge is weeding out the bad actors. I’m interested in the back story behind Mitchell Grayson, and hope that if there is ill intent and system abuse involved, there will be more revelations and better implementation of the processes to assist real victims.
References
- Tillett, Lena, et al. “Father at Center of Amber Alert given $25,000 Secured Bond Tuesday after Surrendering to Police.” COM, WRAL, 10 Oct. 2023, https://www.wral.com/story/Amber-alert-father-calls-WRAL/21089051/.
- Campbell, Emmaline. “How Domestic Violence Batterers Use Custody Proceedings in Family Courts to Abuse Victims, and How Courts Can Put a Stop to It.” UCLA Journal of Gender and Law, 2017. https://escholarship.org/uc/item/31z272j1.
- Nottingham, Shawn. “Carlee Russell, who admitted to faking her own kidnapping in Alabama, was found guilty in the hoax and sentenced to a year in jail.” Com, CNN, 11 Oct. 2023, https://www.cnn.com/2023/10/11/us/carlee-russell-guilty-kidnapping-hoax-alabama/index.html