Try to think of one thing that women can like without being made fun of. It can be anything at all. Hobbies like gardening, fashion, makeup, or decorating are usually dismissed as vacuous and silly. Hobbies that are perceived as masculine, like gaming or sports are dismissed as attention-seeking. She likes sports, comics, or gaming? She’s just pretending for male attention. She likes fashion and makeup? She’s too bold and fake. She likes books? She’s boring and too nerdy. I could go on and on. People will hate on gamer girls, tomboys, basic girls, nerdy girls, sporty girls, girls who wear revealing clothes and girls who don’t. They will criticize and poke fun at confident girls, insecure girls, and literally every other type of girl to ever exist. And for what? Why is this even a thing? How is it that women’s hobbies are seen as vain, superficial, and attention-seeking, while most of men’s hobbies are hailed and supported? In young men, stereotypical masculine hobbies and interests are encouraged. For so many parents it is an honor to take their sons to watch their favorite sports games and to support them in their own hobbies. I feel like the same doesn’t usually apply to daughters and their hobbies. Recently, I feel like a lot of parents have improved on this and are getting better at supporting their kids in their hobbies. The problem is that this trend is not specific to just hobbies, you can see it with anything that has a fan base made up of mostly young women. In every medium out there, from TV (most teen dramas), music (Taylor Swift, boy bands, Olivia Rodrigo), films (any rom-com), to literature, the things that are enjoyed by a large number of young women are seen as unimportant, silly, and overall, not as good as other things in the same area. Why are the interests of young women brushed off as irrelevant fanfare?
I think these problems begin when we start labeling interests, hobbies, objects, toys, and more as masculine and feminine. By labeling interests as masculine or feminine, we’re setting a precedent that excludes people from doing what they’re passionate about. Not only that, but it forces people into strict, rigid binary categories. And by making fun of “feminine” hobbies many young women and even some men may feel forced to suppress their interests from an early age, which hurts their self-confidence tremendously. This is where the “I’m not like other girls” or “pick me girl” trope comes from. Many young women will end up feeling like they must stay away from or abandon “feminine” hobbies or interests in order to be taken seriously and to be valued by others. It will even go as far as women putting down other women for being too “feminine” especially around their male peers. Some women will purposely mock other women for their feminine interests, emphasizing how they themselves are far different from other woman. Remember, empowered women empower women. Of course, it is also important to remember that there is a difference between “I’m not like other girls/pick me” and the genuine feeling of not belonging amongst your peers. There are many young people who may feel like an outsider amongst their peers, usually due to holding one or more marginalized identities. We do not need to be calling girls “pick me girls” and shaming them for expressing their feelings. Clearly the problem is misogyny.
Personally, the whole “I’m not like other girls” thing reminds me of when people laugh at victims of bullies or join in the bullying in order to not be bullied themselves. In this situation misogyny is the big bully that puts down women and men. When I was child, I remember being so concerned with having things that were advertised for girls, stuff that was found in the girls’ section of stores. My notebooks, pens, pencils, shoes, backpack, even my bicycle, none of them could be “boy” colors. Everything had to be pink, purple, or lighter colors, whatever was found in the girls’ section. But then as I started to get a little older, I felt embarrassed by “girly” things because the girls that had and liked the stereotypical “girly” things were made fun of by both boys and girls and even adults. But I also didn’t want to be seen as a “pick me girl,” so I tried to stay as neutral as I possibly could. I wasn’t too “girly” or too much of a “tomboy” all to avoid being mocked. Now, I am far more comfortable being who I am. But the problem still exists as do the lasting consequences.
The first step would be to acknowledge that there is a problem. Misogyny is socially acceptable which is why women are mocked for any and every hobby or interest they may have. Also, ever notice how when a girl misbehaves no one says “oh well, girls will be girls” but they might list a number of things a “young lady” shouldn’t do? It doesn’t really seem fair or make sense. It’s stuff like this that reinforces from a young age that “traditional masculinity” comes with freedom while “traditional femininity” comes with countless limitations. It’s like women can’t exist without having literally everything about their existence criticized until they are left believing that there’s something inherently wrong with them. We all need to challenge these stereotypes and do our best to change the way we and others may view gender roles and the stereotypes associated with them. We as people should be building each other up not tearing each other down for enjoying the things that make us happy.