Disclaimer: This article is not intended to disregard the passing of the loved one or to disrespect the deceased, the family or others affected by this loss. Some of the content in this article are quotes of those who were present during the interview. Names have been changed and or omitted for privacy.
It’s the phone call that’s difficult to even think about. The call that a loved one has been in an accident. Imagine your child was involved and then learning they were at fault. Then imagine hearing that someone lost their life in that accident. That was the heartbreaking call Sandy received one June morning. A moment’s mistake changed many lives forever.
In life we may experience challenges that allow us be stronger than we would normally choose to be. Sandy, mother of 3 children and 3 grandchildren, has overcome her share of struggles. In her early adult life she survived domestic spousal abuse, divorce and a disappointing job loss. Sandy also worked full time while furthering her education. Her children were always her top priority. When her son confided in her about his sexual orientation Sandy’s response was that she “already knew.” She proudly supports her son, and says. “It didn’t bother me at all. He is my son and we are so close.”
After her twin daughters graduated high school, Sandy learned they both were taking drugs. “They did Percocet 30’s and then it was heroin,” says Sandy. “I found a spoon underneath the sink in the bathroom. I didn’t think anything of it, it was strange, but I didn’t think anything of it”. The next time Sandy found other drug paraphernalia in the house she had both daughters admitted to a drug rehabilitation facility. Devastated, she educated herself on drug abuse and joined a help group for parents of addicts. She even helped her daughters get counseling. “At that time, they got the help they needed,” says Sandy. However, the consuming addiction had them “off and on drug use” for several years. Eventually, after a drug trafficking charge, one of Sandy’s daughters turned her life around. She was released 18 months early and placed on probation for good behavior. A close family friend said, “She got clean, she was happy and she found the love of her life.” She then became pregnant and after her child was born she was ready for a new life. “She was an amazing mother,” says the friend.
Then, the accident. Sandy’s daughter was driving with her child who was in the back car seat. When the 8 month old began to cry, the mother turned towards the back seat to calm the child. Suddenly, there was a motorcycle, breaking glass and the car started to spin around. Sandy’s daughter had gone left of center and struck a motorcyclist. A witness was able to get Sandy’s daughter’s phone and called Sandy. When the voice on the other end spoke to Sandy, all she could feel was “numb”. The person said, “I’m with your daughter and she had a bad accident.” Sandy later learned that the witness pulled her daughter and grandchild out of the mangled car. Sandy’s daughter referred to the person as her “guardian angel.”
Unfortunately, the motorcyclist succumbed to injuries. “At the hospital when, I told her (Sandy’s daughter) that [the person] didn’t make it, all she did was cry,” says Sandy. Blood tests later revealed that her daughter had too much prescription Xanax-a medication that is used for conditions such as anxiety and depression (your dictionary.com) in her system. Within hours after the accident Sandy, her daughter, and family started receiving threats and were put under media scrutiny. “No matter what they did someone had something to say,” says a friend.
For several months before her daughter’s sentence, Sandy endured being attacked on the internet from people she didn’t even know. “I felt bullied,” said Sandy. “My daughter didn’t wake up that morning and say I think I’ll kill someone today. I was getting death threats because she was my daughter.” One friend urged Sandy not to try “to fight all the posts”. Close friends also advised her to stay off all social media. She even resorted to staying at her home for days. There are conflicting stories and circumstances concerning the accident and Sandy’s daughter is currently serving time in prison. Sandy is certain the family wanted her to serve a longer sentence and though she misses her daughter dearly, she “understands why.” Although some may not believe it, Sandy and her daughter have sympathy for those who lost their loved one.
Meanwhile, Sandy’s other daughter had a baby that Sandy was caring for until she was scheduled for surgery. Child Protection had the child placed in foster care. Sandy’s daughter was said to be “trying to get help” “And I really hope that’s true,” says Sandy. Sandy’s son is “Having a tough time dealing with everything.” Which is understandable. He is an amazing young man who has “given me a beautiful granddaughter,” says Sandy. He and Sandy’s relationship remain close.
When a friend asked “why are you still standing”? Sandy’s response was “I have to be. I can’t disappoint my kids or my family. I’ve always told my kids don’t give up. I can’t give up.” Sandy still has “depressing days” and has expressed that she feels she “failed somehow.” As mothers, we can’t control everything our kids do, but many of us feel when they do something wrong or make a mistake, we are to blame,” says a mother. Sandy continues to get strength from what she calls her “ small circle of friends” and her grandchildren. ” I want to carry on for my children,” she continued. “They are the most important thing in my life. I just want them to be okay.”
There are many layers to Sandy’s story. She is in the early works on writing a book about her life experiences. “I want to help people and I want them to hear my story. I don’t want any parent to feel like they are alone.” Sometimes we need the reassurance and the example of others to show us how strong we can be when the unthinkable happens.