In a society where certain milestones are placed on a timeline, it can feel isolating for those of us who fail to reach those milestones at the “normal” time and are therefore considered “late bloomers.” Culturally, I think we tend to normalize particular timelines and often view those who adhere to them as more successful. It’s a notion that is deeply ingrained into our society. So many of us feel, consciously or otherwise, that our lives should fit into this rigid timeline of personal and professional milestones. And unfortunately, many of us will judge ourselves if we hit these milestones late. This is also exacerbated by the societal tendency to overemphasize youthful achievement. Often, modern ideals of success come with this extreme pressure to make it as young as possible. Which is why most people treat early-in-life accomplishments as either the norm or, in some cases, inspiring. And so, older successes or “milestones” merely meet minimum expectations or are seen as “late”.
But the fact is that plenty of people find career fulfillment, financial prosperity or rewarding relationships much later in life. This could be explained by the fact that the executive function of our brains doesn’t mature until the age of 25, and later for some. In fact, our brain’s capabilities peak at different ages. We actually enjoy multiple periods of blooming in our lives. Yet so many of us have bought into this “sooner is better” narrative.
Personally, I’m not currently where I imagined I’d be when I was a kid. That timeline of life, love, and success was something that I didn’t think about, at least not consciously. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized I was stuck in the same mentality. I wasn’t where I thought I’d be, where I was “supposed” to be, and I felt guilty, ashamed, and disappointed. Growing up, I was used to being ahead, academically; I always got good grades, graduated high school early, and did fairly well in college. Then suddenly I wasn’t sure what came next, and I started to feel like I was falling behind. But I think it’s a pretty common feeling to have in your 20s. This dread and fear that you don’t know who you are, what you’re doing, and what you’re supposed to be doing. The problem is thinking that you’re alone in this feeling.
As a society, I think we need to change our mindset about “late bloomers”. We must get rid of the idea that fast is smart and slow is not, and the attitude that “if I’m older it’s too late for me”. The idea of late bloomers is not only outdated but can also be harmful for those who don’t fall into the timeline laid out by society. Ultimately, removing pressure to succeed or achieve specific goals on a certain timeline is not only good for mental health, but it also allows people to take their time and truly understand themselves, rather than jumping into something simply for the sake of not falling behind. I hope in this New Year, we can all be kinder to ourselves.