When it comes to parenting teens, according to Jim Fay, parents have a harder time dealing with the challenges of their child’s adolescence. Eighty-seven percent of American adults believe children and teens are influenced as much or more by their peers than a generation ago, according to research from the Love and Logic Institute.
Jim Fay from the Love and Logic Institute says that, “parents can use a simple Love and Logic technique called “what’s your plan?” to add to their peace of mind when teenagers claim they are ready to handle peer pressure and mom or dad simply aren’t sure” (Fay, 1). Some indicators of a teenager not being ready to handle pressure from his or her peers include, “oh mom, you know I don’t do stuff like that. I’m a good kid,” or “don’t you trust me? Why can’t you just trust me?” or “oh mom, I just do what you told me. I just say “no,” or “I’ll just tell them doing drugs is stupid” (Fay, 1). This teenager has not developed a plan. “Most teens and adults are not comfortable saying “no” to a good friend” (Fay, 1). The last statement about drugs being stupid is also an indicator that a teenager is not ready to handle peer pressure. According to Jim Fay this statement usually is made only to impress the parent. The “I’m ready” indicator, according to Jim Fay, is usually a well thought out plan. When a teenager has a plan his or her odds for successful dealing with peer pressure are much higher than someone without a plan (Fay, 1). “Parents can help their kids develop a plan to handle peer pressure. Once it’s in place, parents should practice with their teens” (Fay, 1).
Nearly seventy-five percent of American adults believe today’s teenagers face decisions with more dangerous consequences than they did according to a survey commissioned by the Love and Logic Institute. Charles Fay gives some tips as tools to resist peer pressure. Tip number one is to teach your children that poor choices lead to unpleasant consequences. Tip number two is to avoid power struggles over friendship choices. Tip number three is to send positive messages about your child’s ability to make wise choices. Tip number four is to allow your child to use you as the “bad guy”. For example, telling his or her friends the last time he did something like that his parents went ballistic.
What is more important for a teen his or her grade point average or his or her character? According to Jim Fay, there is a way of holding kids responsible for their actions without appearing mean or authoritarian. “Give children a heavy dose of empathy or compassion before laying down any punishment or logical consequences. This opens their minds and hearts to learn from their mistakes without blaming you. Then hold the line in a loving way to allow the consequences to teach an important life lesson (Fay, 3).
There are six strategies for raising a kind and caring teen according to Amy Morin, a teens’ expert. Number one is to practice caring for other people. Number two is expanding your teen’s circle of concern. For example, teaching teens to recognize concerns of people outside their immediate circles. Number three is serving as a strong moral role model. Teens learn more from what you do than what you say. Number four is to teach your teen healthy ways to manage negative emotions. For example, teaching problem-solving skills and conflict resolution skills. Number five is to make caring for others a high priority. For example, expect your teen to help with household chores and perform acts of kindness around the house. Also discuss how your teen’s decisions could affect other people. Finally, number six is helping your teen to become an ethical thinker. This is done by talking with your teen about opportunities to become a leader who fights against social injustice at school and in the community (Morin, 4).
Finally, there is a website called inspireconversation.com designed to help deepen the bonds between parents and teenagers. This site helps parents raise thoughtful, kind, ethical children through meaningful family discussion (www.prweb.com, 5). You can also visit loveandlogic.com for other articles about children making wise decisions, healthy independence, and responsible behavior.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Fay, Jim. www.loveandlogic.com. “Have a Plan for Dealing with Peer Pressure.”
Fay, Charles. www.loveandlogic.com. “You can Save Your Child’s Life.”
Fay, Jim. www.loveandlogic.com. “What’s More Important GPA or Character?”
Morin, Amy. www.parentingteens.about.com. “Six Strategies for Raising a Kind and Caring Teen.”
www.prweb.com “New York Times Essay Presents One View of Raising Teenagers,inspireconversation.com Pens Editorial Response.”