It’s Not “Laziness”: Dealing With Executive Dysfunction

Have you ever sat in bed thinking about all the things you need to get done that day, feeling overwhelmed and anxious over not doing anything in that moment? And that anxiety is just so all-consuming that you can’t bring yourself to do anything. Or maybe you need to take a break and you try to relax, but your brain keeps going over all the things you could or should be doing instead, so you keep looking at the time thinking if you just get up now you’ll have time to get something done, but that time keeps getting shorter until there’s no time left so you don’t get up. Now you’ve spent all day filled with anxiety, unable to relax and unable to complete any tasks on your “to-do” list. Not to mention, most of the people around will simply dismiss it as you just being lazy. But the problem isn’t that you don’t want to do something, it’s that despite wanting to, you just can’t seem to get your brain to cooperate. If you’re neurodivergent, I’m sure you can relate to this. This is usually known as executive dysfunction, and it is typically known as a symptom of ADHD and autism. “Executive function is a set of mental skills that include working memory, flexible thinking, and self-control.” ^[1] We use these skills every day to direct actions, control behavior, motivate us to do things, and to prepare for future events. They also allow us to plan, focus, remember instructions, and manage multiple tasks. Having trouble with executive functions can make it difficult to focus and stick with tasks, organize things, set schedules, and much more. It is common in neurodivergent people, especially those with ADHD. Executive dysfunction does make it harder to learn and complete tasks, but it doesn’t mean that people are “lazy” or not “smart.” People who struggle with executive function are just as smart and work just as hard (sometimes harder) as other people. So, do you ever feel guilty about not being able to do something, but you still can’t seem to start the thing? Do feel like there’s just no start button? Are you exhausted? Well, then you may be struggling with executive dysfunction. You aren’t lazy, your brain may just work differently than others. There are so many things that affect our ability to do things: our brains, our bodies, the world we live in, etc.

Personally, throughout my life I’ve constantly struggled with doing the things I want and need to do. There have been so many times where I just can’t seem to start on a task. And this doesn’t just happen when it comes to chores or “boring” things. It happens with things that I want to do too, like hobbies and stuff that brings me joy. For example, I like to paint and draw, I find it to be soothing and it’s a great creative outlet. And yet, there have been so many times where I’ll have an idea for a drawing, but I just can’t seem to start on it. I’ll know exactly what I want to create, and I’ll have the free time for it, but I still can’t start. It just feels like I don’t have a “start button” and so I’ll just sit there staring at a blank canvas, or a blank document, or at the stove and the food that needs to be prepped, or the vegetables that need to be cut, or I’ll be glancing at the laundry basket full of clothes waiting to be folded, and so on and so forth. And no matter how much I want to, I just can’t do it. Which is why it is so difficult when you hear the people around you saying that you just need to focus, or that you could do it if you just cared enough, or that you’re just lazy. I think it’s incredibly dangerous for people, especially those with authoritative roles (i.e., teachers, parents, guardians, professors, bosses, etc.) to not understand, be aware of, or respect executive dysfunction. Far too often people will assume that we are just being lazy, careless, selfish, or difficult, when in reality we want to do the thing, but our brains prevent us from consistently and reliably doing it. This misinterpretation can lead to toxic behavior and resentment that will harm both sides emotionally and do a lot of damage gradually over time. This damage can take the form of internal self-criticism, which just makes the executive dysfunction even worse.

So, for those of us who do deal with executive dysfunction the question remains, how do we deal with it? Well, I’m sure that for those of you who have been dealing with this for a long time you’ve probably learned tricks to help or maybe you take medication that helps. I, myself, have found little ways that help me focus or get started on a task when I am struggling. Now this is what work for me, it may not be helpful for everyone, so it is important that you do talk to a professional if you suffer from executive dysfunction. For me, I’ve found that it helps to break my tasks into smaller steps and to organize my tasks/steps from the most urgent or important to least urgent/important. Because when I look at a task sometimes, even if it’s something that I want to do, it’ll just seem so overwhelming and big that I will be filled with so much anxiety and won’t be able to concentrate or focus on even starting the task. So, breaking down the task into smaller steps helps me not think about the mountain ahead of me and I can focus on simply putting one foot in front of the other. And any time you find your mind starting to wander to that overwhelming list of tasks, pull your attention away from those thoughts and back to the one task in front of you. Of course, this is easier said than done, so don’t scold yourself when you get overwhelmed or anxious. Take a minute and take a deep breath, it does get easier the more you practice it. The key is to be gentle with yourself about it. And the unfortunate truth is that, even then it’s still difficult. This is just the way our brains work, so you just got to do the best you can with what you’ve got.

Also, it’s important to note that this isn’t just for neurodivergent people. Neurotypical people can and do suffer from similar problems. The fact is that we live in a capitalist society, where productivity equals purpose. We are so often pressured to be productive and to not “waste time” that now so many of us are completely burnt-out. And that burn out can also lead to a certain degree of executive dysfunction. So remember, to be kinder to yourself. I know I’ve said it before, but it’s important. I know that I can be pretty hard on myself, I am my own worst critic, but I am working on being gentler and more patient with myself. So, if you’re anything like me here is your reminder that you are doing your best and that you need to be patient with yourself. It is okay if you are doing “nothing” right now. And it is okay if you are struggling with starting tasks. Take a minute and take a breath.

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