Preventing bullying amongst children and adolescents has become more prioritized in more recent generations. Bullying comes in many forms, and can be catastrophic for all involved, and has lingering effects into adulthood.
There are mixed opinions as to how bullying should be handled. Many believe that bullying has a debilitating effect, and should be penalized. Yet, still some adults believe that bullying is a natural hazing that occurs amongst peers, and builds thick skin, though this perspective seems to be dwindling.
Adults who are tolerant of bullying often times refer to their own childhoods in which they endured some form of bullying. The common premise is that it teaches kids to stand on their own. But does it, really?
“A child who is bullied may experience negative mental health effects – there may be feelings of sadness, loneliness, and isolation. Physical health can also be affected—sleep disturbance, heart disease, eating disorders and other ailments can last into adulthood. Academic performance and participation may slump and some may retaliate with violence [1].”
Some of these red flags are not readily noticeable, and may take some time to identify. Not all students feel inclined to or understand the importance of informing their parents or other adults about bullying. “Only 20-30% of students who experience bullying notify adults about what happened [2].”
Internalizing these experiences occurs for a variety of reasons, many of which may boil down to the child not fully understanding the gravity of what has occurred. They may know that they feel a certain way, but be incapable of fully articulating it. They also may simply feel uncomfortable telling an adult. Simple routines that surround learning about your child’s feelings would make the line of communication more open.
With my children, it is not effective to simply ask them how their day was, or if they have something that they want to talk about. Usually, they don’t reveal if something has happened until something else reminds them, or at least until they feel comfortable enough to vent. The environment and the timing has to be right. This, of course, became more challenging with the isolation that resulted from COVID, and now, readjusting to societal norms.
Enduring the changes surrounding COVID has had many impacts on all of us. One of the larger impacts is finding creative ways to interact and to communicate. Particularly with children, for instance, now, many more parents participate with their kids on social media. Essentially, we are meeting the kids where they are. Building this level of comfort can help a child feel more open to informing their parents about the things going on amongst their peers. In turn, parents may have become more effective with offering their children guidance. It may have become easier, however, to guide kids with online interactions, and a bit more difficult to guide kids with in person interactions. Every positive socializing experience can have a caveat or drawback, but nothing is unnavigable.
When it comes down to conflict amongst peers, we can easily press the block button online, and at least partially avoid cyberbullying. But what about in-person interactions?
Fight or flight is a common human reaction that occurs in the psyche when an individual is ‘backed into a corner’, so to speak. In theory, the targeted individual will either retaliate or flee. Blocking online is an easy way to avoid cyberbullying, but blocking in reality is more difficult.
Depending on the circumstances, my kids have been taught to first ignore, then to say something to defend themselves, then to inform the teacher of the other kids’ behavior. Ultimately, they have also been taught that they should defend themselves if nothing else works. Granted, the latter is not the desired course of action; however, our kids should not accept abusive treatment, either. Certainly, there are parents who may teach their kids to fight back immediately.
Immediately fighting back could be problematic, however. It deprives the kids involved of the teachable moment. In my experience, the parents who teach their kids to fight back sooner rather than later usually have had some personal experience with having to defend themselves. There is nothing wrong with nipping it in the bud. Fighting fire with fire would resolve the battle, but what about the underlying causes? “Bullies pick easier targets, so they experience less resistance, and have less of a retaliation to worry about. This is because bullies are not looking for fights, but for emotional release [2].”
Keep in mind that not all kids will fight back, regardless of what they are told to do. Thus, learning to fight back as the desired outcome of allowing bullying to occur may never happen, and if it does, the abused may cross into becoming the abuser. “Individuals move in and out of roles across situations and over time. For example, an individual student may bully others in elementary school, be victimized in middle school, and be a bystander in high school [3].”
Adults who are tolerant of bullying may have this perspective because of their own childhood experiences. It is possible that they were bullied as a child, and have a desire for victory through their children. Another theory is that they were the bully, and hold firm to the notion of “survival of the fittest”, even at the expense of raising children who become prone to victimize others. However, there remains the fact that there are lingering negative effects from either teaching or allowing certain behaviors.
“Many studies record higher incidences of depression among both bullies and victims, and there is correlation between aggressive, antisocial behavior and a history of abuse or neglect [2].”
On either end of the spectrum, the kids who resort to violence have likely learned the behavior. Essentially, they have been conditioned to understand that a certain type of behavior yields certain results. Violence often occurs when individuals lack the capability of communicating effectively. Early intervention can help to prevent the affected children from carrying these tactics into their homes and into adulthood.
If it is true that children carry learned violence into adulthood, it is worth considering, also, that the tolerant adults are or have been the perpetrator in intimate partner violence.
When there are children exposed to intimate partner violence, the abusers are teaching their behavior to their kids (children learn best by action). Consider the children who are exposed to both bullying and IPV…they are definitely left to believe that violence gets results.
If bullying is an emotional release for kids, the same logic can be applied to adults. A common example of an abuser is one who lacks power or control in one area of their life, and therefore take that frustration out on their partner. Is it also possible that helping kids navigate their emotions early on can prevent incidents of domestic violence later in life?
As a result of the COVID-19 pandemic, schools instituted more counseling support. One particular area of importance that has had more heavy focus is being able to manage emotions. This type of early intervention may further support efforts that have been implemented to decrease bullying. All of these efforts combined will prove to have positive lasting impacts, and assist with conflict resolution tactics as opposed to physical or taunting acts some kids may use to reach desired results.
Another important effect of the COVID-19 pandemic is the increased amounts of domestic violence. It’s not a novel idea that children who witness intimate partner violence in the home are prone to emulate that violence through their younger years and into adulthood.
Approximately 1 out of every 15 children is exposed to intimate partner violence each year [4]. But these numbers increased with COVID shutdowns and restrictions. According to Science Direct, “Following initial lockdowns to address COVID-19, significant increases in domestic violence calls were observed [5].”
By allowing a child to live in this type of unhealthy situation, the adults are influencing the children to believe unhealthy relationships are normal. Whether the kids experience any direct abuse or not, the environment in and of itself is negligent at a minimum. “Children who witness intimate partner (violence) growing up are three times as likely as their peers to engage in violent behavior [6].”
There are many resources available to victims of domestic abuse that will allow them to escape their abuser, but it takes the individual to take the initiative to leave. It goes without saying that there are times that the victims will make excuses for their partners’ behaviors, and there are often times that the victims leave and return to their abusers for a variety of reasons. It all boils down to standing firm for change. This becomes doubly important when there are children involved.
“Children raised in abusive homes learn that violence is an appropriate way to solve conflict. These children are more likely than their peers to be in abusive intimate partner relationships in the future, either as victims or perpetrators [6].”
In addition to being exposed to domestic violence, children who engage in bullying behaviors may continue with related tactics into adulthood. Many studies have proven that the bullying child is building a foundation for destructive behavior as an adult. “Kids who bully others can also engage in violent and other risky behaviors into adulthood. Kids who bully are more likely to…be abusive toward their romantic partners, spouses, or children as adults [7].”
As are needed, anti-bullying measures have been taken to improve the affected children’s safety and well-being, as well as to correct the behaviors of children who are bullying others. All 50 states have anti-bullying laws to protect students and eliminate bullying.
Taking a stand against bullying has been woven into the fabric of student culture. An effective method that many secondary schools have implemented over the last few years is an anti-bullying pledge. These pledges usually require that students not participate in bullying, and report any incidents of bullying. The pledge and discussions surrounding it have helped students to better identify and sound off about bullying. I have two school-aged children who have become more aware of bullying behavior, and sensitive to situations that involve kids being bullied as a result of initiatives such as this.
Adults who believe that some form of bullying is acceptable may not take into consideration that one who bullies continues to build power, and their tactics can have a more crushing effect on others over time. It is possible to help prevent some incidents of domestic abuse by tackling bullying behaviors identified at early ages.
Works Cited