While scrolling through Instagram one day, I came across a post narrated by a woman venting that regardless of what role women play, there is always some negative criticism. The narrator mentioned things such as women being labeled “unfulfilled” if they are stay-at-home moms, but selfish if they are working moms; women are expected to be mothers to their husbands, but not treat them like children; women are expected to not marry a bum, but to also not stay married for security…you get the picture.
The dichotomies of expectations placed upon women is perplexing, to say the least.
Sometimes, I watch the news or read headlines or peruse through studies with one question in mind: Did someone need to tell us that? Life is the ultimate teacher. It is much easier to draw a conclusion when you have experienced something. I don’t have to pull out any statistics to exemplify the fact that individuals who have had constructive relationships with their mothers have less problems in many areas of their lives – there are likely less emotional issues to deal with.
Nevertheless, it is worth mentioning that studies show that students are apt to be more successful in their educations and in their careers when they have a two-parent household. The traditional concept of the single mother household is less prominent, now, which directly results from the economic imbalance between men and women. Put succinctly, single parent households led by men have been on the rise due to the fact that men traditionally have higher salaries than women, and are thus more equipped to handle the financial responsibilities of having children. [1]
Mothers put in a lot of work in front of and behind the scenes to make things happen. Students from single-parent households led by women already have the odds against them. The mere fact that women traditionally earn less than men is something that is lived by kids from these households. Naturally, there is an inclination to want to help financially, particularly if the obstacles are apparent. However, even if the obstacles are not so obvious, it goes without saying that many of these kids can see that students from households who have two parents or are led by men often have many material things that households with students led by women may not have. This juxtaposition usually creates feelings of obligation in the kids of the household to help financially. The way they help financially is determined by what they have been exposed to. A single mother with economic disadvantages is breeding grounds for students being exposed to the perils of society. To choose academia is an accomplishment in and of itself.
It is no mistake that graduation commencements take place on Mother’s Day weekend. These milestones are moments for mothers to celebrate their kids’ accomplishments as well as their own, and for kids to celebrate for the sacrifices their mothers made – to be grateful for mom. Completion of their collegiate studies and anything beyond that is more than an accomplishment of academia. There is a light at the end of the tunnel for creating a pathway to continually overcome the financial burdens endured by their mothers as well as by them. They are on a mission, and have completed their foundation. Often times, moms are graduating, too, whether along with their kids, ahead of their kids, or after them.
Making another transition in life such as matriculating out of college, grad school, doctorate programs, etc. presents one with the challenge of addressing “what’s next”? The older we become, the less of a direct prominent influence our moms have in our lives. We have to be knowledgeable enough, strong enough, discerning enough, and overall capable enough to enter (further) into adulthood with a little more independence than before. Coming from a woman-led single parent household gives a competitive edge. Many of these individuals have lived with economic disadvantages, and are driven by not wanting to stay in or return to that place.
So, with that having been said, thanks to all of the moms who didn’t stop at “good enough”.