If you’ve ever suffered any type of abuse or any amount of abuse, you can understand just how difficult it is to break away from the pattern of choosing the same partner over and over again. The abuse is the norm. Battered Woman Syndrome (BWS) is real.
While this phrase was coined in a 1979 book by psychologist Dr. Lenore Walker, “victims of battered woman syndrome or [Intimate Partner Violence] IPV often feel scared but hopeful that the abuse will eventually end. Thus, they stay with the abuser. The feeling of fear and hope becomes a cycle of abuse.” This is no way takes away from other classes of people who are victims of and survivors of abuse. Over time, it has been understood that any gender may suffer IPV. 1
When I read about those who could not break away…or simply did not follow-through with pressing charges…I think back to the ones I let get away with the abuse I suffered from at their hands and behaviors. I have regret for letting them go, especially when I hear stories like that of Heather Pritt.
Heather Pritt is a Harnett County, NC mother of 3 who went to visit her son on January 5, 2024. When she tried to leave, she was shot in the back of the neck. She is now paralyzed2.
Even when you consider the fact that we could never know the full story, nothing that comes to mind can possibly put me in the frame of mind to understand what could have been going through Joshua Smith’s mind. This was a woman he was no longer in a relationship with who he lured to his home using their son as leverage – only to ensue arguing with her. Ultimately, he was charged with attempted first-degree murder, amongst other things3.
But get this…he said it was an accident!
How do you accidentally shoot someone from behind with a 9mm gun? Please make that make sense to me.
That only reminds me of the gaslighting that has occurred in my own personal bouts of abuse. I can sincerely promise you that each and every man that has put his hands on me has somehow painted the picture that it was an accident or that I made them do it.
I have had countless (and pointless) arguments about accountability.
But this is honestly probably why I let things slide. And I should not have. Every so often, I wonder whether they are abusive to their current partners. Does abuse come as the norm for them? I often say hurt people hurt people. And that is the honest to God truth.
So, let’s talk about gaslighting because that is honestly the one thing that really is detestable about these types of situations. I mean – is it a self-preserving tactic? Are these individuals basically trying to save themselves from getting into trouble? I liken it to children who are trying to convince their parents or teachers or whomever is caring for them: “It wasn’t my fault.”
Gaslighting is an extremely effective form of emotional abuse that causes a victim to question their own feelings, instincts, and sanity. As a result, the abusive partner has a lot of power (and we know that abuse is about power and control)4.
I remember a first-hand experience I had with someone who was bipolar (I didn’t know it at that time) who was the aggressor in a domestic abuse situation. She later cried to her grandmother and to the police, “But I didn’t do anything!”
I had just finished witnessing this person relentlessly pursue the fight and the argument as her then-boyfriend tried to get away from her. She even jumped on top of his car and tried to climb in through the opened sunroof as he tried to drive away. But when it came time to be accountable, she created a different “reality” in an attempt to save herself from penalty.
This was a classic gaslighting situation. Once this relationship style has been identified, it is nothing less than imperative to simply break away. So, in Heather Pritt’s situation, she was thankful to live and tell her story, and encourage others in these relationships to be strong enough to move on.
She had been seriously injured, and Joshua Smith was not initially arrested, thus creating some sort of a Twightlight Zone effect – i.e. gaslighting. Since it took another 2 weeks before Smith was arrested, one can only attempt to understand just how confused she and her family must have been when they’d heard the news that Smith had reported the incident as an accident.
What if Smith had succeeded in murdering Pritt? This would easily be another situation wherein the victim’s story was never heard, and the truth never unfolded. It was nothing short of a miracle that Pritt survived. Though she is, now, of course, paralyzed. There has been a GoFundMe established to assist with Heather’s medical expenses.
When we consider the different levels of assistance provided to victims and survivors of domestic abuse through organizations and non-profits such as that of InStepp, we understand from Heather’s situation just how vital these resources are.
InStepp will be phasing out by the end of 2025. While some resources remain in the meantime, please consider providing a donation to victims in your own community.