Women wear so many hats. As a woman, I juggle being a mother, a real estate professional and entrepreneur, an employee at multiple jobs at times, and a volunteer, and that’s just a few things I do. I have had my fair share of less than copacetic relationships that have served to burden and to hinder me. There are countless women with similar stories who excel despite less than favorable circumstances. On a daily basis, those same women who are subjected to maltreatment, mistreatment, and abuse put on their “big girl britches” and make sacrifices.
It was reported in January 2023 that in many states in the U.S., single women owned a larger portion of owner-occupied homes than single men. One of the notable perspectives in this article was that women are more willing to make sacrifices. Those words echoed: “more willing…to make sacrifices” [1].
Willing?
Many women were raised on sacrifice. It was and is the norm.
Traditionally, single parent households are run by women. “According to the 2016 United States Census Bureau, out of 12 million single parent families with children under the age of 18, more than 80 percent were headed by single mothers. In general, single mothers seem to face more of a challenge with raising children, than single fathers do [2].” Moreover, according to U.S. Census data, more than half of the population is female [3]. While the numbers may change through generations, the story is the same – women raise girls. Plainly stated, the adults who are out here adulting right now who were raised in single parent households are women. Those would be the same women who were raised by their mothers (i.e. women raise their daughters and love their sons).
The concept of mothers “raising” their daughters, but “loving” sons is that girls are taught responsibility more so than are boys. There are, of course, many factors that go into this perspective, including the popular opinion that a woman cannot raise a boy into a man. These mothers, often times, do accomplish facilitating the development of a girl who becomes a woman who is a positive contributing member of society. They, at a minimum, become independent women.
If and when these same independent women become involved with boys turned to men who have not been raised to be similarly independent, they experience from those men a lack of emotional intelligence, particularly in their communication with women. These would be men who are accustomed to being taken care of. If a man is accustomed to being taken care of, lacking the ability to be fully independent, the emotional intelligence that is used to act and to react is child-like, similar to temper tantrums. The level of a temper tantrum varies. Temper tantrums can be verbal and/or physical. The illustration you are getting is correct – these are boys who become abusive men because they do not know how to communicate effectively.
These men and women procreate. The men act out. The women eventually leave.
Single mothers are common in part due to being survivors of abuse. As survivors, women are guarded. They place barriers where there should be free-flowing communication and trust. They’ve dealt with a man or men who mishandled, used, and/or abused them. As a result, self-sufficiency skills instilled as children and adolescents rear their head and become the guiding force. “If you want something done right, do it yourself.”
So, I am struggling with this concept of “willing sacrifice”. Sacrifice is a skill developed for survival.
“You gotta do what you gotta do.” “Make do with what you’ve got.” “Sometimes, you gotta do what you don’t want to.” Those are just a few phrases that come to mind.
There are countless women who consistently succeed and progress in life and in their careers. They have either rejected the traditional concept of being a wife and/or a mother, or they have not met a partner. Often times, these are women who have their pick of the litter, but decide against the options available based on their standards. These are women who have uplifted themselves, and expect men to be of the same or similar caliber. Simply put, the men don’t measure up. And because they don’t measure up, the women cannot trust that they will be secure at any level in a relationship with these men. So, they prefer to be single. And in doing so, fully understanding dependence on oneself, these women … you’ve got it – SACRIFICE. They sacrifice to survive.
At some point, no matter the category an independent woman falls into, sacrifice for survival leads to an abundant life. That abundance naturally includes being a homeowner.
I was taught to never depend on a man. In my young adulthood, I had ideals to be a wife and a mother, sharing a life partnership with my husband. I met reality. I did not have a life partner.
There were countless things that I expected a man to do that were not being done. Even for the purchase of our home, I worked multiple jobs to earn enough for a down payment and closing costs. Ultimately, continuing this relationship and the eventual dissolution of it led to destruction on many levels in my personal life, and steered me deeply into a mentality that I could never depend on anyone, let alone a man. So, I didn’t. I struggled. And that struggle is where my confusion in understanding a “willing sacrifice” begins.
Women like me make sacrifices daily through repressed tears, fears, and frustrations to get the bag. To make ends meet. To save enough to buy that house. And do you know why we prefer to buy? Stability. The same thing that was sought in the men who did not deliver. Stability of a home. Stability of a monthly financial obligation. Stability for our children.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said, “Alright God, it’s just You and me.”
Works Cited
- https://www.forbes.com/sites/brendarichardson/2023/01/25/single-women-are-more-likely-to-own-homes-than-single-men-in-nearly-all-states/?sh=6208c94350b5
- Watt, Asia, “Single Parent Households and the Effect on Student Learning” (2019). Masters Theses. 4464. https://thekeep.eiu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=5464&context=theses
- https://www.census.gov/quickfacts/fact/table/US/SEX255221